I Was A Teenage Demigod
by Kora
Summary: i wrote this as an assignment for my mythology class--to create an explanatory myth. it doesn't have a whole lot to do with the show, but it's kinda funny so i thought i'd post it. please r/r!


I WAS A TEENAGE DEMIGOD ****

I WAS A TEENAGE DEMIGOD

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Hercules. Well, actually, my real name is Heracles, but I don't like Hera and she doesn't like me so I'd rather everyone call me Hercules. So, they tell me you like explanatory myths, or stories of how certain things came to be. Well, quite a tale have I for you.

Back when I was a teenager, I was obsessed with my father. By the time I turned 18, my obsession had reached its peak. I would do ANYTHING to gain Zeus's attention, and that's about all I did. At night, after my day of failed attempts to establish some form of contact with Zeus, I would gaze up at the sky and just spill my heart out, hoping he was listening. At that time, the moon was full every night. After a month of listening to me go on and on about how much I wanted to meet Zeus, Selene grew tried of my prattling. She would only come out fully once a month. Most nights, she would only come out halfway or partway. Once a month, she wouldn't come out at all. 

Fueled by Selene's reaction to my gushing, I decided to do something big, something so gargantuan that my father would have to notice me. I talked some priests from Zeus's temple in Olympia into sending me cartloads of gold & ivory they received as offerings. With these, I built a gigantic statue of what I thought my father might look like. I hoped he would see it and be pleased, or at least come down and inform me that I made his nose too big or something. But nothing happened. 

Discouraged, I gave the statue to the temple in Olympia. Later on, it inspired some person to create these games in honor of Zeus called the Olympics. The statue also received so much attention that it was even named one of the Seven Wonders of the World. I never got any credit for it, however. Go figure. By then I was really discouraged, and Alcmene (my mom), talked me into letting go, so I did. Then I became bored. My mom always said I had too much strength, too much energy, and too much time on my hands. One day, I wandered off into this forest and came across a phoenix. I named her Sahara, and climbed aboard for a ride.

Sahara carried me over Greece, and across the Mediterranean. When we reached Africa, I remembered about the whole phoenix bursting into flames thing. I managed to leap off just as Sahara exploded. When Sahara blew up, she scorched a large amount of land, turning it into a desert. I named this desert Sahara, after my late friend.

You're probably wondering about what happened after I jumped off Sahara. Between the force of the explosion and my own strength, I was propelled all the way to the Middle East. The ground I landed on must have been really unstable or something, because when I landed, the force of my impact created an enormous hole in the ground. The hole went so deep that salt water from the ocean came pouring in the hole, filling it right up. Hence the Dead Sea. About then, I figured I'd better hustle back up to Greece before I caused more damage in a foreign country, which might start a war. I made it back to Greece, and stayed fairly sedated for awhile.

A fortnight later, I received word about a chariot race being held in Mycenae. It was perfect something exciting I could do without causing any damage. At least, that's what I thought. When I arrived in Mycenae, I picked the wildest, fastest horses possible to pull my chariot. The hostler didn't feel good about allowing me to use them, but I managed to talk him into it.

Unfortunately, I overestimated my ability to handle the horses. Halfway through the race, I lost control of the chariot. Guards ran up, trying to contain the horses, but they only scared the horses more. Using all of my strength (I hadn't fully gotten all of my "legendary" strength yet), I managed to keep the chariot & horses from hurting anyone. We shot out of the arena, and into the marketplace. A blanket fell over my face, temporarily blinding me. We raced through the marketplace, knocking over/breaking who knows how many objects along the way.

All of a sudden, this large object blocked our path, and we crashed into it. The object later turned out to be a fruit & vegetable stable stand. As I tore the blanket from my face, I winced. The stand owner was face down in a mess of flattened potatoes. I rushed over to his side, helping him up. I looked into his face, expecting to see it overflowing with livid rage. Surprisingly, I saw a smile spread from its way around the potatoes that were spread all over his face. Apparently, when you mash potatoes, they taste really good.The vendor didn't press charges; in fact, he paid for the damages I caused. He made a lot of money off those mashed potatoes, and was very grateful to me for helping him discover them. 

By now, my mother was convinced I had caused enough damage. She wasn't mad, just worried. While I was in Mycenae, she had searched for a way for me to use my strength/energy constructively. She found it, and when I got back, she told me. One of the only friendly centaurs, Chiron, was setting up an academy to train warriors. Chiron was renowned for his amazing healing skills & fighting techniques. I loved the idea, and before long, I set off for the academy. And the rest is history.


End file.
